Day 77

Monday 17^th January 2011

When I opened my eyes this morning I was startled to discover that I couldn’t see properly, thinking that it was probably “eye gunk” I gave them a good rub but that was in vain, I rubbed them again, nothing. I started to panic a little, what’s happened? Have I got cataracts? Did something happen in the night? I bet I’ve got malaria and blurred vision is one of the symptoms!! As it turned out I’d just forgot that we slept inside a mosquito net, my Mum always said I was a hypochondriac.

We got up with fully functioning eyes and headed downstairs for some brekkie, we were gonna need it today as we were going tubing down the Nam Song river. I opted for the bacon and egg roll and Suz had…..erm….. somet else, but we both had coffee I remember that.

We were due to meet outside the place we’d booked the tubing at 13:00 so we had a leisurely stroll into town and had a look about, taking in the sights, smells and abundance of counterfeit goods that were available. We got to the tubing shop at about 12:45 and feeling hungry again informed the lady we were going to pop next door for lunch. A full belly before a day of drinking is essential. We both ate huge tuna baguettes and washed them down with a can of fizzy pop, bring on the booze.

Our Tuk Tuk arrived shortly afterwards so armed with a waterproof bag and a tractor inner tube we headed out of town eager to see what the start line had in store for us.

Vang Vieng used to be the place that tourists would stop for a wee and a cig between the world heritage site of Luang Probang and Vientiane. But a few years ago the locals started to build bars along the river bank, add in some swings, zip lines and waterslides over the river and you have one hell of a crazy party town which is now a tourist destination in its own right, (I personally think that they could reinvent “Burrs Country Park” with some rope swings over the river) we couldn’t wait to arrive.

When we did we realised just how messy the day was going to get, I imagined the bars to be spaced out and that you would drink in one bar, get in tube for maybe ten minutes, then, find another bar and so on. In reality there were bars everywhere, each with their own take on a rope swing or a zip line, the first two of these bars were packed, so we decided to start at the start and headed for bar one.

The girl at the first bar/ shck informed us that there was a bottle of whiskey on the bar and that it was free shots all day everyday, she also added that we should enjoy ourselves, well how could we not. The beer was cheap too and we took our pew and took in some of the sites, mainly people backflipping and what not off the swing.

It wasn’t long until I could resist no more, so I climbed the homemade wooden steps to the rope swing and almost certain death.

Ok so “certain death” was a massive over reaction as I actually loved the damn thing!

We got chatting to a few people around us who plied us with free whiskey and before long we were well into the swing of things. I had another couple of goes on the swing and then as a group we decided to move to the next bar, which was about 20 meters away across the river.

Things were getting into party mood over there too as people forgot about the rope swings and just dived head first into the green splash. Cheap beer and free whiskey almost inevitably attracts foolish westerners.

 

CLICK TO ENLARGE

From there on in the carnage increased at a rate of knots. I had a go on the bars zip line and was confused as to why so many people were watching me, I know I’ve put on a bit of chub but have some decency! I elegantly belly flopped backwards into the water (is that even possible?) and as I surfaced trying desperately to hide my pain one of the onlookers shouted “where’s your shoes mate?” I lifted my feet to the surface and showed him my flip flops that were somehow still attached to my feet. Feeling smug I swam to the edge. It was then that I realised that the bloke wasn’t interested in my ‘shoes’, he’d asked me where my SHADES had gone, so that’s what they were all looking at, bugger!

Er Suz, I’ve done it again…….. luckily Suz was getting far too pissed to care. We moved on to the third bar about 16:00.

Everybody from the first and second bars were now in the third and fourth bars, we drank with our new friends and made more friends the more we drank, our mates consisted of Darren and Janette from Scotland, Chris from Oldham, Pete from Ireland, Lee from Leeds. (Lee is the one ruining my panoramic picture)

We even bumped into some city fans from Heywood (Stockport).

The drinking seemed to accelerate between us but as we turned around we realised that everyone had left. Remembering that the lady had requested our tubes back by six we figured we’d give one last bar a go before heading back (after one more go on their zip line)

We stopped at the next bar down which was advertising Mud Volleyball. I know it was a long shot but you never know if that was where the young and the lithe had vacated to. Alas I had no such luck so I consoled myself with a local drink which was disgusting.

We were losing sunlight fast and I had heard one too many tales about people being stuck on the river so we stumbled into our rings and headed down stream to a bridge, where we clambered out of the river to discover that only myself, Suz and Lee had made it. We waited for 10 minutes but none of them surfaced. We figured that at least they had each other and scrambled up the river banks to a row of waiting Tuk Tuks.

We got back into town and arranged to meet Lee in Q bar after a changed of clothes and some tea. The temperature really drops in Vang Vieng in the evening so after a shower we went out in full “Inca Trail” wear and was glad of it to! We stopped in at an Indian Restaurant for tea and after that we started to sober up a little. We had two options;

1. Order more beer, stave off the hangover and go and join the other revellers in Q Bar across the road or….
2. Get the bill and go back to the room and the warmth of the bed

NIGHT!

Day 76

Sunday 16^th January 2011

I had known today wasn’t going to be fun when I fell asleep last night next to my drunken husband. I hadn’t banked on the fact that I would be waking up at 6.30am next to a still drunk husband!!!

I did a quick sweep of the room as we left, not entirely trusting of Franky’s drunken packing capabilities. He frequently manages to leave something behind when completely sober but miraculously it appeared that he had done well and we had all our belongings with us as we got into a Barbie pink taxi to head back to Bangkok airport.

Immigration to leave Thailand took 3 times as long as it did to enter but we were finally through at 8.30am. This gave us less than an hour to get some food and try and get internet access to sort a hotel out in our destination. We had a sandwich and found a nice looking hotel in Vang Vieng. After the box room in Bangkok we’d decided to splash out and treat ourselves so we booked a deluxe double for £30 a night. We’d literally just hit the ‘Confirm’ button on the booking when a little Thai lady popped up with a sign for the final call for our flight – for some unknown reason they’ve done away with the PA system at Bangkok airport and so have lots of these little Thai ladies running around the huge terminal building with different signs for whichever flight was on its final call. We were herded onto a bus to board our flight to Laos.

The plane was a tiny little propeller jobber but it got us to Vientiane in just an hour and 20 mins.

Franky’s hangover was kicking in and he wasn’t a happy boy as we queued for the visa to enter Laos. Interestingly the cost of the Visa varies depending on your country of origin. We had to pay $35 each, the Chinese were the best off paying only $20 and the Canadians the worst – they were charged $42. I’m not sure what Canada has done to upset Laos!

Once we’d cleared customs with our bags we had the prospect of how to get to Vang Vieng. By far the cheapest option would be to go to the bus station on the other side of Vientiane and get the bus. The Lonely planet website had told me that this journey would take between 4 and 6 hours. However, we were offered a direct taxi from the airport for just £50. I took one look at my hungover husband and made the decision…. 2 minutes later we were in an old battered Toyota heading North.

My first impressions of Laos were that it was very much like India. A road through ther town with no pavements so pedestrians take their lives into their own hands. The drivers are all mental and use the horn to tell people when they are overtaking… with little regard for whether or not it is actually safe to do so. There are also cows meandering over the road to add to the chaos.

We passed a sign saying Vang Vieng was 140 km away. We ambitiously estimated that we’d be there in a couple of hours. How wrong we were!

We randomly stopped at the taxi driver’s home where we picked up a bloke who seemed to be a friend, and two kids! The friend sat in the front passenger seat and the kids were crammed in the boot with our backpacks. I’m not sure why they were joining us on our trip. The driver’s wife seemed very impressed when he told her we were all off to Vang Vieng… I’m not surprised since our 3 stowaways were doing the trip for free!

Laos is much cooler than Thailand. We left 32^oC Bangkok and switched it for 18^oC. But it is sunny so I’m not complaining!

We quickly learned that the distance markers were quite arbitrary. We passed a sign saying Vang Vieng was 27km away. We were travelling at about 60km an hour which was as fast as was possible given the terrible roads and yet 25 mins later we passed a sign saying Vang Vieng was now 20km away. Another 45 mins and we were down to 5km – which took a further 30mins!!!! But we eventually arrived about 3 hours after we had left Vientiane – shaving a potential 3 hours off the bus journey. This was the equivalent to getting in a taxi in Manchester and saying ‘London please’ but for £50 it was well worth it!

We checked in and left the crammed car – I guess the 4 boys just headed home and continued their road trip?! At least the kids could get out of the boot for the return trip!

We checked in and were pleasantly surprised with the room. It was lovely and spacious. We even had a bath – yay! The courtyard looked out over the beautiful limestone mountains that surround Vang Vieng.

Franky had a shower and went to sleep off his hangover and I decided to try out the bath. Unfortunately the hotel doesn’t really do hot water so I had a tepid soak.

We ventured out for some tea and a wander round town. It’s quieter than I was expecting…. and a lot colder now the sun has gone down. There were numerous trucks bringing drunken people back from tubing on the Nam Song River outside of town. This is why we’ve come to Vang Vieng. Basically you hire a tractor inner tube and then get a lift upstream. You jump into the river in your tube and float back down towards the town. There are a number of bars along the way so it’s basically a watery bar crawl. We’ve booked our tubing trip for tomorrow and now we’re back in the room frantically typing up the blog. We’ve managed to get a full week behind which is a mammoth task to catch up on. The wifi is pretty sketchy in the room so the plan is to get it typed ready to post tomorrow and then go to bed. Night!

Day 75

Saturday 15^th January 2011

Oh dear god, I have scarcely had a worse hangover than this. There appears to be some rudimentary mining going on behind my eye balls, somebody has poored sand into my mouth during the night as some kind of sick joke and strangely my legs feel like they’ve done a marathon. Yep, buckets of whiskey and coke in Bangkok defiantly got the better of me.

4 hours after Skyping the parents we were awake again, lying in bed debating who should go out and get hangover cure McDonalds, this took a further four hours until we conceded that we should go out together, so after a shower and a vigorous cleaning of teeth we went back out and headed back to the scene of last nights alcohlic crimes, the Koa San Road.

No more than 20 ft onto Koa San I heard a faint “eeuurgghh ey ey ey!” I looked to my right to see one of my accomplices from last nights debaucherous festivities sat on the side of the road, cuddling a cup of hot coffee. It was Canadian John looking decidedly rough and not sounding too clever either. He was sat in almost the same seats we were in last night as he was staying upstairs. This was John’s 3^rd day in Bangkok and so far he hadn’t made it off this road, he’d barely made it out this bar! We joined him for breakfast and wolfed down bacon, eggs, sausage, coffee and orange juice and then sat discussing the previous nights tales like old friends. John's a quick witted guy with a sense of humour from way out of left field and we all got on famously,

 

We spent the next hour or so coming up with different ways to annoy the constant stream of street sellers. Which mainly involved picking something off the tray from the previous seller that the one infront of us didn’t have and then convincing them that what we really wanted was a huge Zippo lighter or frog whatever they where missing from there tray, they would tell the other sellers what we wanted and by the time they got back to us we had obviously changed our minds again. Funnily enough it never got boring.

After unanimously deciding that we were all definitely still drunk and in fear of a double dip hangover heading our way we ordered beer, and that, as they say, was the end of Saturday.

By 14:00 I was already on to my fourth San Miguel and setting a blistering pace, leaving John in my wake. Suz eventually conceded defeat and ordered herself a beer and by tea we were well on our way. John disappeared on a couple of occasions, once for a shower, others for cigarettes but we mainly spent the day as a threesome, laughing the kind of laugh that only three drunks can manage. The more we drank, the more people we invited to our table. We had a Polish guy called Simon, a Swiss bloke called Marcus and French fella

and French fella who Suz spoke to in her best GCSE French, when I asked what she was saying the fella told me that Suz said she was 12 years old, had no brothers or sisters but did have two guinea pigs, that’s GCSE French for you right there. I'd have joined in asking where the local swimming pool was in my best GCSE french but I was otherwise engaged in a thumb war with a five year old. (which I won, go me!)

There were lots of people crammed in around us too, a Thai lady who was sat with the French guy bought a bag of randomly deep fried insects, being drunk and brave I tried deep fried maggots and deep fried scorpion. Yum.

The street sellars continued to pester us (they aren’t half determined them Koa San Sellars) and eventually we caved in spectacular style. We bought two frogs, Simon got himself one too.

Then it was that time of the night to buy hats, I stepped it up from the previous night and went for a traditional Thai hat instead, I think I look rather jaunty.

Needless to say it was downhill from here on in, at last count I’d had 18 beers and I’m not sure how many more went down after that, Suz, incredibly had drunk herself sober. We left the rabble around midnight and headed back to the room, knowing all too well that we had a full day of travel awaiting us tomorrow and that double dip hangover would surely catch up with me at some point.

Day 74

Friday 14^th January 2011

…. and we were awoken at 5.30am by a very loud call to prayer! In a predominantly Buddhist country we have managed to get a hotel within spitting distance of an Islamic Mosque…. Where they bloody well pray at 5.30am. Grrrrrrrrr! I had been looking forward to a lie in but no such luck!

We managed to doze until a more acceptable time to get up – about 8.30am when we were forced up by hunger. After the lady in reception had shown us where we were on the map I was able to orientate myself as this was my third time in Bangkok. It was Franky’s first time and so we had to do what all self respecting backpackers do on arrival… head to the

Khao San Road

. I was delighted to discover Bangkok hasn’t changed in the last 4 years and experienced all the familiar sights, sounds and smells as we walked down the busy, bustling streets lined with stalls and food carts.

As we reached the corner of Khao San there was an old guy outside the police station cleaning a gun with a toothbrush! I love the randomness of Thailand.

We meandered down the Khao San road looking at the wares. Amongst my personal favourites were the Mr Men T-Shirt ‘Mr Jihad’ and The Killers World Destruction Tour T-Shirt depicting Hitler, Stalin, Bin Laden and Bush! Franky is hoping to see them again as despite the fact that they are too unPC to wear they have to be seen to be believed. He hopes to buy them in Koh Samui

We had breakfast and then coffee as we discovered a Starbucks. We were offered iced green tea soy latte in Starbucks – can you think of anything that sounds less appetising?

And then we were scammed, all be it knowingly. We had the map out in the street trying to work out how to get to the Grand Palace when a Thai guy stopped to give us directions claiming to be an English teacher. He told us that today was a Buddhist holiday so the sights we wanted to see weren’t open until 3.00pm. It was currently 11.30am so he suggested a number of alternative sights on our map that we could see in the meantime. Then he suggested we got a tuk tuk to drive us around these sights. This would take 3 hours for the princely sum of 20 Bhat (about 40p). Seems like a good deal?! I was well aware of the scam. Basically as well as the sights (lucky Buddha, standing Buddha, big Buddha, black Buddha and any other description of a Buddha you can think of) you get taken to a series of shops as well including a tailors and a jewellery shop. The ridiculously cheap fare of the tuk tuk is offset by the money you spend in the shops. I was aware of the scam but also knew that we didn’t have to spend money in the shops. I explained to Franky that it was a scam but that of the Grand Palace really wasn’t open until 3.00pm it wouldn’t hurt to go and see a few Buddha. He agreed so we jumped into a tuk tuk and hurtled off into the crazy Bangkok traffic.

First up was lucky Buddha which apparently was just closing but they let us in.

Then we had to go to the Thai Factory where you could have any item of clothing made to measure. Franky was tempted by a cashmere winter coat – a direct Armani copy, but at 20 000 Bhat it was till £400. The owner of the shop dropped the price by £200 but that was still far more than our daily budget so we left empty handed.

Black Buddha was next, also ‘closed’. They suggested that we go to the Grand Palace in the meantime which aroused my suspicions that perhaps the Buddhist holiday had also been part of the scam as the lady in our hotel had not mentioned it that morning. The tuk tuk driver wanted to take us to a jewellery store. Franky was getting bored of the scam and so refused. The tuk tuk driver promptly told us he needed petrol and so he would take us to the jewellery store for 10 mins whilst he got some. This was interesting as he had ¾ of a tank of fuel… and he didn’t seem to want us to come for fuel with him. Exasperated we told him we’d skip the rest of his 3 hour Buddha tour and go straight to the Grand Palace. Realising he’d been busted he gave up telling us it was closed  even though it was only 1.00pm and took us straight there.

On arrival at the Grand Palace there were tourists swarming everywhere – it couldn’t have been busier. We were stopped on entry for our ‘inappropriate dress’ aka below the knee shorts!!! So we had to queue up to borrow more suitable clothing – a sarong for me and some fetching khaki trousers for Franky. They were ‘one size fit’s all’ so he was sporting some lovely half mast pants as he perused the grounds of the King.

The sun was beating down overhead so with our additional layers of clothing we were sweltering. It was worth it though. The temples are so opulent. Glittering jewels and gold shone in every direction.

Splendid uniformed demons stand guard of the Royal temples.

We saw the famous temple of the Emerald Buddha, Wat Phra Kaeo.



Actually made out of green jade he is one of the smallest and least impressive Buddha we have seen but he was brought back to Thailand from Laos after they had stolen him and placed here by King Rama I which makes this the holiest temple and him the most sacred Buddha in Thailand’s history. You weren't allowed to take pictures inside the temple but I grabbed this one through the window.

Franky took the opportunity to enter into the buddhist spririt with the holy water!

We saw the King’s palace with his impressive selection of Bonsai trees and were lucky enough to witness the changing of the guard. This was home to the Royal family until 1946.

We slipped into a few more Wats (temples) and saw the King’s throne room and much more opulence. By this time the temperature had soared to 32^oC and we’d had enough of our extra layers of clothing and decided it was time to move on.

We made our way down to the Chao Phraya river and crossed on a boat for the princely sum of 3 Bhat (about 6p!) to Wat Arun or the Temple of the Dawn.

This was a 104 m tall impressive structure comprising a main prang or tower that fights for space with the skyscrapers on the Bangkok skyline. This was the home to the Emerald Buddha after he was recaptured from Laos before being moved to Wat Phra Kaeo in 1785.

Despite the extremely steep steps we just had to climb it.

Back across the river (another 6p – this sightseeing might really blow the budget today!!) we made our way to the last stop of the day Wat Po. This was the home to my personal favourite Buddha in Bangkok – the reclining Buddha. I haven’t seen them all as there are 440 Wats each with a different Buddha but this guy would be hard to beat and so I wanted Franky to see him. But before we went to see him I had another treat instore for my husband so we hot footed it through the grounds to the National Thai Massage school – the oldest one in Thailand. For 30 mins we were pummelled and prodded and bent into the most unlikely of positions. And we paid for the privilege! It’s not too comfortable at the time as every single joint is ‘cracked’, doing all my toes at once seemed a bit brutal, but the after effects are fantastic.

Feeling super relaxed we headed over to see the Buddha. First we stumbled across another Wat on the same site. This is where the remains of King Rama I are buried under the altar so it was worth a look. It was also 5.00pm so we happened across the monks of the Wat as they began to pray. It was very tranquil and calm in there with the monks chanting the prayers as they prostrate themselves before the altar – quite amazing and we felt extremely privileged to be able to stay and watch.

From there we went to the reclining Buddha. He is 46m long and 15m high housed in Bangkok’s oldest and Thailand’s largest Wat, The reclining position is said to represent the dying Buddha in the position he adopted to attain nirvana. He is made from brick covered in plaster, lacquer and gold leaf. The soles of his feet are decorated in mother of pearl with 108 signs of Buddha.

This concluded our cultural tour of Bangkok and we had worked up quite an appetite so we headed back to Thanon Khao San in search of sustenance. This is the other reason I love Thailand and I was keen for Franky to experience it – proper thai food! We had chicken and cashew nuts, spring rolls and red curry. It was amazing – a taste explosion. Franky was equally impressed declaring it was one of the best meals he had had on this trip – and the cheapest! It was also our first taste of the country’s brew. I opted for Singha whilst Franky was on Tiger.

The busy day of sightseeing was catching up with us as was the jet lag so we headed back to our room for a nap…. And woke up 3 hours later at 10pm. This is becoming our party piece whenever we move continent. I could have happily turned over and gone back to sleep but I also knew how much fun could be had on a night out in Bangkok so I persuaded Franky that we should make the effort and go out. I’m glad we did.

By 11.00pm we were showered, changed and heading back to the

Khao San Road

. About 20m in we happened across Chart bar that was advertising 2 4 1 buckets. This was something Franky was keen to experience and I was game so in we went. I took charge of the ordering. I went for sang som (Thai whiskey), red bull that comes in little brown glass bottles like medicine and coke (just a splash) – after half of the first bucket I was feeling like we’d been out for hours. By the second my eyes were doing the backstroke through a sea of whiskey and I won’t mention the third!!!

Making friends in Bangkok is easy – especially when you’re all drinking buckets! Within 15 mins of arriving at Chart bar we had switched tables to join 3 Aussies – Jackie, Reece, Buckie. They were already wearing colourful hats and further on their way to planet drunk than us. Jackie declared that we NEEDED hats… and after only our first bucket we were inclined to agree!

From here on in I think the pictures tell the story far better than I could in words!

We also met John, a Canadian fella who was impressed with Franky’s Jacko impression with the hats and a couple of German girls, Nadia and Freya. It was an absolute blast with music pumping and buckets flowing.

So much so that John fell off his stool and broke it in two!

The bar closed at 2.00am and John, Franky and I headed to Gullivers the late night club on the corner. I ordered 3 beers and then performed my party piece of falling asleep in a club. John insisted that Franky take me home and that was the end of our first night – I love Bangkok!